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The Wild Sage Society Podcast w/ Marcie Walker
The Wild Sage Society Podcast is where we explore the ideas and practices that help us live healthy, connected, and purpose-filled lives. Each week host Marcie Walker connects with healers, spiritual leaders, doctors and small business owners on topics such as human resilience, conscious leadership, and modern shamanism.
The Wild Sage Society Podcast w/ Marcie Walker
38-Finding Purpose After 50: Navigating Self-Discovery, Art, and Emotions with Coach Susan Young
Ever found yourself at a crossroads, grappling with loss of identity and purpose, especially as you cross the threshold of 50? Enter Susan Young, a certified holistic life coach who firmly believes in the transformative power of stillness, meditation, and art. With passion and precision, she guides you towards your purpose during this significant phase of life. Discover how the pandemic's imposed pause can be a unique opportunity for introspection and self-discovery, as we demystify how women regain their identities after years of being submerged in familial responsibilities.
Our journey with Susan leads us down paths of self-discovery and emotional suppression. With her, I examine the art of recognizing and managing emotions, and the importance of maintaining a window of tolerance. Susan's tale of overcoming a challenging past and embracing her true identity through art, therapy, and coaching promises to be a beacon for those looking to reclaim themselves. Further, Susan and I delve into the intriguing world of intuitive art and creativity, breaking down barriers and fears to embrace our creative drives. Tap into the therapeutic benefits of art journaling during the pandemic and learn how to process emotions through creative outlets.
Finally, we dive into Susan's recent self-discovery and her experience with her ADHD diagnosis. Uncover how ADHD symptoms like procrastination, overwhelm, and hyper focus, can impact daily life. Susan and I navigate the complex terrain of executive functioning and its role in prioritizing tasks. We also explore how common sensitivities associated with ADHD, such as light and texture, can be managed. With Susan as our guide, we traverse the captivating intersection of art, collaboration, personal growth, and purpose. Join us in this empowering exploration of how to live a healthy, connected, and purpose-filled life.
Connect with Susan:
https://triplemooncoach.com/
Hi! I'm Marcie Walker. I became a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Shamanic Practitioner on a mission to help people, who were holding on by a thread, drowning in guilt and shame, and punishing themselves with the kind of self-talk they'd never say to friends.
I believe that our inner life affects our outer life, and it is my passion to help people transform their inner selves, so they can achieve their full potential and create a life of purpose, fulfillment, and positive influence. I am committed to creating a safe and supportive space for my clients to explore their inner world, heal past traumas, and create a life that aligns with their true self.
Ready to embark on a transformative journey? Book your free 30-minute discovery call now and let's explore how I can support you in achieving your goals and creating a life of purpose and fulfillment. Don't wait, take the first step towards unlocking your true potential today!
💛 with love,
Marcie
Let's connect: Instagram
**If you have any questions you'd like answered on the topics we speak on, have comments or suggestions for guest please, email thewildsagesocietypodcast@gmail.com. Thanks for tuning in!
This is the Wild Sage Society podcast, where we explore the ideas and practices that help us live healthy, connected and purpose-filled lives. Each week, our host, marcy Walker, connects with healers, spiritual leaders, doctors and small business owners on topics such as human resilience, conscious leadership and modern shamanism. Here is your host, marcy Walker.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone, thanks for tuning in. This is episode 38. I have the privilege of connecting with Susan Young. She is a certified holistic life coach and I invited Susan on today to talk about human resilience and empowerment for women over 50. Welcome, susan. How are you? Thanks for being here.
Speaker 3:I'm well. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So so many questions I might have for you, but let's dive in and just ask how do you live a connected and purposeful life?
Speaker 3:I try to be still every day and meditate. I just want to be aware of when I become like moving constantly. I think for me I need to just just routinely stop and ground myself, and one of the ways I do that also is through art. I love kind of doing intuitive art. I also love urban sketching and it just kind of gets me beyond overthinking and kind of opens up the right side of my brain and I'm often able to have a lot of great insight when I'm in that space and time just kind of disappears and so that just kind of helps me reconnect and know my why, about why I do the coaching and and do what I do.
Speaker 2:I would love to hear about your why.
Speaker 3:Well, I am passionate about women over 50, serving women over 50 to help discover their, their purpose, what they really want to do with this sort of third and final chapter of their life, and a part of that journey is really diving into a lot of deep self-discovery. You can't really plan the future that you want, a purpose-driven future, if you're not really connected with your core essence and what's truly important to you, and I think so many women particularly women over 50, are heavily influenced by others and what others think they should care about and do, and also their own inner voices telling them from culture and so many other places what they should and should not be doing, so that that takes them breaking through.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to see where this conversation goes because it's a topic that's near and dear to my heart. You know, I just celebrated 48 this last Friday, so I'm getting closer to the big 5-0 marker. And what? Not only that, but in my practice I and especially since I started to practice and especially since COVID I've seen a lot of women and a few men that are really struggling with their purpose, and COVID was kind of that big Wake up call to go, oh, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? Is this really it? And so I'm curious how do you see that in your coaching business?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I see that as coming through is kind of the biggest question really is kind of what is my purpose? And you raise a good point, I think, about the pandemic, because I think the combination of women who are over 50 now and having just lived through the pandemic is just a really powerful combination in providing an almost like forced pause to reflect on what they're doing, you know, and what their purpose is. So I know that you know all over the world, so many of us were able to just use that space to take that pause and kind of force to, and I, you know, and so women over 50 who lived through that too, I think it's even more powerful. But I think there's something magical about the age of 50, something just kind of clicks and, you know, our sort of sense of mortality kicks in and you begin to ask those questions.
Speaker 3:Like you said, like you know, am I having fun? You know, do I know where I'm headed? And if I think I know where I'm headed, is this what I really want to do? You know, if I continue to do what I'm doing right now for the rest of my career or and beyond, will I have any regrets? You know, how confident, do I feel, about where I'm headed? So yeah, I'm hearing a lot of that.
Speaker 2:For me, my son. He is 25 and I know that I, just several years ago, I had my own kind of identity crisis and I had a breakdown through, a breakdown to break through. That was a health crisis. So you know, I feel like I started that though questioning a little bit early, just trying to eliminate all of those energy drains from my life, and then it was kind of like when my son went off to college, it was like I don't even know what I like to do anymore, like I've just been lacrosse mom and driving him to Sacramento three days a week and doing all these things, and it was a big forced pause too to go. Oh, who am I?
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely and definitely health care can do the same. When you suddenly you know if you don't know if you're going to make it and how long you might have to live, then it just becomes very, you know, again another case of your mortality facing you. And yeah, I did the point about the kids.
Speaker 3:I think so many women lose their identity in the process of being a mom and a parent and you know, I hear from a lot of empty nesters that this is also another time. You know converges and suddenly you know that you've had this whirlwind of 25 years. You know where you're raising a family and you may be working and all of these things and life just happens. And all of a sudden they're away at school and it's, you know, just kind of almost like a what just happened. You know who are you to your spouse maybe, and who am I? I have no idea. I just you know I'm the dinner lady, the laundry lady, the soccer mom. You know, and I think at this age, many women, when asked who they are, kind of answer in terms of a role that they play I agree Instead of what's really important to them and kind of more their core essence.
Speaker 2:What lights them up. And I think that there's a, you know, a generational gap. You know like right now we're seeing five generations in the workplace and everybody's so different and so you know, the generation before me has been, you know, people-pleasing and just so focused on careers and all of those things that I think that it would be kind of overwhelming to be able to step back and be granting yourself permission to really go introspective and see how you feel.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think the generational component is big and none of us in this age range of women over 50, well, not many of us. There's always exceptions. I don't mean to generalize, but many women over 50 now didn't have role models in their mothers. You know, in the 60s, 50s of being able to prioritize themselves and kind of be free to do what they wanted to do. You know it was very kind of defined roles and you know there was a whole generation of women that just set aside their dreams or maybe even had been pursuing them, like my mother, and then just set them down to have children, you know, and not return.
Speaker 3:And so I think I hear that a lot too that there's a real resistance to prioritizing ourselves and guilt. You know it's so embedded that Many women don't feel they deserve to prioritize themselves. They feel like it's selfish. And this is sort of internalized from culture too, where we really applaud women for prioritizing everyone else before us. You hear accolades of women who are selfless, which in my opinion is kind of a tragedy because it literally means you don't have a self, and so it's led to this feeling that that's a selfish thing to do and that they don't have a hard time giving permission to themselves to really explore who they are and what they love and, like you said, what lights them up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just get so overwhelmed rewinding the tapes and thinking about the path that I walk to get here in this moment and how you know, as a single parent, navigating, raising a child, doing the work and all in all of the things and there was so much societal pressure and culture to be a career driven woman and have a side hustle and be a great parent and be all of the things to everybody, and so it's nice to see that you know generations beneath me are really starting to try to navigate that differently.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm really pleased. I have two daughters and so I'm so encouraged by seeing how they're approaching their life and there's so much more awareness now of boundaries and relationships and autonomy and they're just, you know, it's much more free. I'm just so happy to see them not be as restricted as I was.
Speaker 2:Well, congratulations, mom, because that's a big accomplishment to be able to raise self aware children that can put their own needs first. Yes, thank you.
Speaker 3:Appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Well before I dive into any more questions, I'm dying to really hear your story. Do you mind sharing that with us?
Speaker 3:No, of course I'm happy to share. So let's see, so I was. I grew up with what I now know is a narcissistic mother. I didn't actually know that until the last four years of my life. And what this, what happened in this context, is that I was attuned to her moods and you know, basically I was always constantly seeking approval, which was never there. But you know, and we know so much about this now, the little tease and that you know, if a child is has to choose between being themselves and and attachment, they're going to just discard themselves and try to attach in any way they can. So, all that to say, I, you know I was kind of seeking approval and who I was outside of myself, because I also kind of had to be the person my mom wanted me to be, which was who she wasn't, and so, unfortunately, this led to an abusive relationship where I always kind of groomed it, you know, as a teenager by this malignant narcissist and, anyhow, ended up in a multi-year relationship that was a lot of emotional abuse and physical abuse.
Speaker 3:And I managed, I had a big epiphany, I managed to get out of that. I had like this moment of clarity where I just thought I this is not my trajectory. And it's funny that I'm kind of doing that work now, because I remember I wrote an essay about this and I remember thinking this is not my trajectory, this is not where I meant to be. So I managed to get out of that relationship, go on to myself, onto somebody else who was very bad for me and in this process just was drinking a lot and got into some drugs. And once again I just thought I had left the college town or, as in, I had dropped out of college for one thing for this boyfriend and been completely cut off for my family. And then I stayed in the town was with another person and again I realized if I don't get out of this town I'm probably going to die. So I went back to college town and very conveniently, since I had been so isolated, I was able to just shut that door.
Speaker 3:Nobody knew really what had happened. I was completely under the word trauma and I just kind of dusted my knees off and thought, okay, good to go. That was horrible, but I got through it and immediately upon returning I met my future husband and we were dating pretty seriously within two weeks of me returning to my old college town. So we got married, we had two children, things went along. I started my career. My degree was into your design. I started a career in the commercial furniture industry and kind of fell into that as well, and we traveled and had some good time. But I found you can only really only hold trauma at bay for so long. And starting around 48, 49, all these things started coming up and I and I also recognized and finally admitted that I was drinking way too much and I knew that I was doing that to just quell all this, all this stuff I'd never addressed.
Speaker 3:So I went to therapy for the first time in my life and I became sober in a short amount of time and then sort of just dove into therapies at starting point and then really learn to recognize my feelings and process what had happened. And I just had a much greater awareness of what I was feeling. I had been really disconnected from my body. So I was kind of in a good place. And then, once I kind of healed to a certain point I was really able to. I'd learned so much about like so much psycho education and things about myself that I was able to see patterns out outside with other people. And that's when I kind of recognized kind of another epiphany that my, my marriage was really a continuation of the same pattern I'd been in my whole life of kind of people pleasing in. I think you know both of us were kind of looking for a parent in. The other was a very kind of textbook codependent relationship. And so I made a very difficult decision to end that 26 year marriage and then I was on my own. So I got divorced at 54. You know that was that was good in the pandemic. Also, I had rediscovered my art supplies as kind of a way to just get through it. I got all my stuff from in design school and hauled it up and just started. I found like art journaling and I just really started a creative practice that was also helping me kind of process things and get direction. And then things were going pretty well.
Speaker 3:But I, you know, again by sort of by process of elimination, I realized how toxic my job had become to me and it was the one thing in my life that had not drastically changed. And you know, it was never really an intention to go into that and I really had been unhappy for a number of years. It was great at first but it just I was bored, it wasn't challenging to me. I felt like I could, that I was capable of so much more and that it wasn't. I was, you know, not using my skills or passions, and so really, what happened with the coaching I'm getting there? Is that no rush that I just realized? You know, it was just so when everything else was so good, it just became so lit up that I like I've got to do something else. It's just not even good for my health. And I just was sitting one day and just thought what can I do? You know, I wish there was someone that I could talk to, that could help me think about what do I love, what are my values, what are my strengths, and kind of piece it all together and figure out a path that I can take. And then I thought, or I could be that person. And that was the light bulb that suddenly, as soon as I had that thought, I just felt so immediately I was just such in a good place to be able to help other women with just so many changes, big changes, all starting very late in life. And I really had a.
Speaker 3:I've always had this drive once I started kind of healing to reach out to other women and help them in any way I could, and I didn't really know of another way. I did do some volunteering with the local women's shelter, but, you know, in a way that could be as full as changing my career. And so I found the holistic coach training Institute program run by Bev Sertain and it just spoke to me. I read the website, I read through all their materials and I literally didn't have a discovery call. I didn't even talk to them, I just bought. You know, I just paid for the program and best, one of the best decisions I've ever made. It was a really, really wonderful program and I could not have anticipated how much personal and professional growth I would have myself, like going through that educational process and peer coaching and and all that. So that's kind of what got me to this point.
Speaker 2:You have confirmed that that we are part of our journey is about reclaiming all of those bits and pieces of ourselves and rediscovering who we are, and that all of our story plays an integral part into where we are right now. So thank you for being here and showing up and sharing yourself with the world and supporting other women. I love it. I'm really curious. You mentioned a couple different things and I was taking notes why you were talking. You mentioned that you're passionate about self discovery and you talked a little bit about learning to navigate your feelings, and what I, just speaking from my own experience, is that growing up, my feelings weren't anything that was able to really be talked about or how I didn't have support in learning how to navigate those. Is that something that's consistent for women over 50?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean I think that's fairly common. I know for me that was absolutely the case that I was not really free to express my emotions. I couldn't really express anger and a lot of because of my mother's emotions. She was kind of volatile and so in that household everything kind of revolved around her emotions, and so I never really knew how to address them, I just knew how to suppress them, and so that was a lot of. What I had to figure out is that I had quite a bit of dissociation.
Speaker 3:When I really got into it I discovered that I was completely in like a state of emotional dysregulation. I was either like really kind of shut down or I was very, very, very highly anxious, and neither of those states are sort of in a window that's healthy, kind of that window of tolerance, and neither of those states allow you to be in the present moment. So a lot of, a lot of my early work was kind of around staying in that window and then learning to sit with pain. That's a lot of it, just learning not to run away from things that are uncomfortable, and so that was so strong in me that I also I think I avoided any discomfort of any kind and that really stagnated my growth, because I think discomfort is kind of the price of personal development and growth. If you stay in your comfort zone years on end, then you're not really living up to your highest potential and you're on this treadmill.
Speaker 2:status quo, right Exactly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but like I like to say, like autopilot or status quo, I've heard hamster wheel a lot and I think you know, because we're over 50, we've had many more years to kind of get in a rut. You know, if you're 30, and you've kind of been doing something for a while and you're on autopilot, it's probably not been more than eight years. But you know, there could be instances of people that are kind of put themselves on autopilot 20 plus years ago and are still on it.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I feel like the pandemic kind of helped wake people up worldwide to the fact that they were on autopilot. For me it was just. I had my dad's voice in my head. That was like sometimes in life you're just going to have to do the things you hate, and so it was like, oh, it was really hard for me to be able to decide is this something I hate because I hate it, or is this something that's just I'm doing just because? Do you have any wisdom there?
Speaker 3:Any insights.
Speaker 3:I, you know, I just totally agree. I know I think a lot of people kind of alluded to this a little bit earlier here, here not what they really want, but here a parent or a partner or friends opinions of what they're doing and what they're thinking. And you know, I found before that I've had a lot of judgments that I realized I literally can hear my mother's voice saying something, but it's so subconscious that even though I can hear her voice saying it, I didn't really recognize it because I just wasn't present, I wasn't aware. And now I can really hear that. So I think it's so important to you know tune into that when you're trying to make a big decision or you're feeling anxiety or resentment or something you know like along those lines, just to kind of really be still with it and think where is this coming from? What is the story I'm telling myself? Is it true? Where might this be coming from? And is it mine? And I think this is my case and I found with a lot of women as well, that it's often not.
Speaker 2:I agree. Yeah, sometimes I have my dad's voice. Sometimes I have my mom's voice and I do have to do it exactly what you said it's like. Is this mine? Is this true? What is your favorite tool for self-discovery, or do you just have one? I'm sure you have multiple.
Speaker 3:Well, that's a good question. I don't know if I have a favorite tool. I love to use creativity, as I mentioned before, kind of For me that works, I think, with clients and people like coach. There's so many ways that you can use creativity for self-discovery. That can be customized to how someone likes to learn or process information. Or if they're visual or kinesthetic, like, for instance, if someone really loves to write, we could do some journaling exercises with some prompts and kind of free form writing, no punctuation, no going back, no crossing out. You know pages kind of along the lines of Julie Cameron and the artist's way.
Speaker 3:I haven't heard of that. Or, oh, you have to check that book out. It's really, it's old, it's like 25 years old and it's still just the gem. Or you know, if someone's visual, we can use image slides. You kind of ask a general question about you know what? Pick the photo that speaks to you about your feeling right now or where you are in life, and then why? And then kind of several layers of questions. Beyond that, of course, there's art and even experiences. You know, if someone's kind of an experience to learn and they like to do things, then there can be a way to explore that through homework or exercises outside or a project. So those are some of the ways I love those Also.
Speaker 2:Nature oh, go ahead, I have to say that Nature.
Speaker 3:Yes, what is it about nature that doesn't feel you? It just, it just brings, it just grounds me instantly. It's just, it's so beautiful and it kind of definitely taps me into my spirituality. When I'm in nature and it doesn't have to be some gorgeous place, it can just be a path in the woods by my house or a flower in the backyard. But when I, when I notice nature and can just be outside in general, I just feel very grounded and a lot of ideas come to me. In fact, I'm trying to figure out what to do, because I go for walks or runs and sometimes I get to just get entire paragraphs of just this stuff coming in and it's like I've got to capture it. But you know, I've been experimenting with voice memos and things like that, but it's it's not the most convenient time to get these downloads.
Speaker 2:But there is something about nature and moving and for me, it's water. When I'm around water, I get a lot of creative insight that comes through and it's. I love that. A lot of our guests have discovered meditation and their recommendation, you know, is getting still and being in nature. So I love that there's a common thread throughout a lot of the podcasts.
Speaker 3:Yeah, getting still through nature but also moving Yoga has been really influential in just helping me stay grounded and in sight, and so I think both are important. And I so resonate with the mention of water because I'm a cancer Me too, yeah, and cancer and cancer rising, and so I think I'm like 57% water or something like that, which does not surprise me at all, and actually as a child I love to being by water, but even more like to being in water, like I just wanted to be a fish with gills so that I didn't have to surface for air, and I've just always just had this deep connection with water.
Speaker 2:Same yeah, you mentioned intuitive art. Would you mind talking a little bit more about that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just mean kind of not having an end goal in mind.
Speaker 3:There's nothing you're trying to represent with any preconceived notion of what that looks like, so what could just be prompts to kind of explore your mood or using different tools and just kind of seeing what develops.
Speaker 3:Some of my favorite pieces are pieces where I didn't know what I was sitting down to do and I just literally started putting alcohol ink and blowing it with a straw, or putting some you know gluing something down, or slapping some paint down with no direction. But then as you do it, it's like something sort of comes up from it. You kind of like reckon oh, that kind of looks like a bird, you know, maybe this is a bird and this thing over here looks like a tree, and you know, just kind of going, just following one step after the other and just see what comes forward. I kind of think it's what I hear writers talk about, sometimes particularly like novel writers, who say they don't know what the characters are going to do. The characters tell them, as they're writing the story, what they're going to do or can't do, and so I think of that sometimes, when something's kind of coming through like that.
Speaker 2:There has been such a common theme about having artists on this podcast. We have a couple in prayer episodes and we've and I am always in love with when women talk about sharing their art, because from my practice, I do a lot of work with chakras and I see women that have honed their masculine energy that that energy center, their sacral chakra, located to which is below their belly buttons, is really blocked, and so I'm so grateful that you are helping women tune into their creativity to get that going, because sometimes they don't know where to start and that's such a powerful step for them to start healing some of their feminine energies.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think one of the toughest things is the blank page and how do you start something? So it's often great exercise to just kind of throw something down on it, Even prep some pages. Sometimes it's a tool I use for myself in urban sketching, where I throw some watercolor on a page in a sketchbook so that when I go take it out to sketch something outside it's not this blank page staring at me. So that's kind of like a trick for getting started and also just knowing that you're not trying to create anything. That looks like something specific.
Speaker 3:And I think so many people are intimidated by art and I think that there's probably actually women of my age more so just generally, generationally, generationally, yeah, the way school was when we grew up. I mean, I can't tell you how the number of people I know that like just say they're not creative and they don't. They don't draw anything because Mrs Beasley told them that their tree was wrong in second grade or something. You know, just these things that that were deeply wounding and really just shut people down for life.
Speaker 2:I have one of my, my small trauma stories around art. And my mother would be I would draw. I always drew when I was little. That was a way for me to process my emotions, even though I didn't know that that's what I was doing at the time. And I just remember one time I had this big, big drawing of a beautiful horse, because we had horses, and that was like that was my emotional connection, and she threw it away and I remember being so mad about that. Yeah, that's that's really.
Speaker 3:That's really hurtful and that can have a deep impact on wanting to be that vulnerable again. Creating art is vulnerable and actually on that point I would like to make a comment that creativity in general is vulnerable because it's your own original idea. You're pulling something from your head that doesn't exist and making something, but it doesn't have to be art at all. It could be, you know, writing, cooking, gardening, even putting, creating events of some sort. You know acting. There's just so many ways. I think oftentimes people just kind of default to art when talking about creativity, but it's really so much broader than that.
Speaker 2:I love that you said that there was no end game or there was no end result that was responsible, because I think that that that is really big, because I think, when you know, when I've talked to clients about doing art or any of those things or being expressing themselves creatively, it's like this blanket of fear comes over their face and they're like I don't know what to do. What advice would you have for somebody that feels that they're not creative?
Speaker 3:Well, I think, as humans, we are all creative inherently, so it's kind of a matter of finding that type of creativity that kind of lights you up or end. In relation to the fear, I think it's important to remember that you never have to show anybody your art or anything you create. It's for yourself. You know, when you find that one thing that you just want to do for the pleasure of doing it, that's probably it, but it's still. I think sometimes we, if we are creating something, there's this feeling that you need to show it to someone, anyone, just to be critiqued, or what do you think? Is this good enough and it's really just for you and you have complete autonomy on how you share it or if you share it at no-transcript.
Speaker 2:That's really powerful.
Speaker 3:Embracing that allows a little bit more freedom in just doing whatever you want. I created an art journal during the pandemic, which is really kind of my avenue back into art. I didn't want to try to draw interiors or buildings, because it looked like something. I stumbled across art journaling on YouTube and I just thought this was just great, you just create whatever. I have a very, very bizarre art journal from that period. That means a lot to me. I remember doing all that but I've never showed anybody it and I don't feel like I need to. It's just it served its purpose and that's it.
Speaker 2:I'm so curious what made it bizarre?
Speaker 3:Well, there's just some really weird stuff, like kind of intuitive things. There's just one in particular. I remember that I was just kind of the colors are all very dark and somber and I think I was kind of depressed that day. There was just this curvy line kind of going across the page and it was filled with like acrylic paint and all these layers and somehow I ended up drawing this figure almost like a stick figure, but on the ground that was sort of being sucked under the ground. Underneath it were all these curled up figures in a ball that were underground. It was sort of just like, yeah, it was just going to be absorbed into the earth and disappear.
Speaker 2:That sounds very healing and like your subconscious was really processing some things.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it's things like that that you might show someone and first of all, they probably don't understand it without an explanation. But it also might look like, wow, that's really dark. But, like you said, for me I felt so much better after doing that. Again, it's kind of recognizing that discomfort, that pain, and not running away from your emotions.
Speaker 2:So do you think that part of the resistance around doing art is granting ourselves permission to not be productive?
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, actually doing art for art's sake, for your own sake. I think if someone were in a position that they needed to create something for doing something productive, there might not be as much resistance. But I mean just sitting down and doing art for its own sake and because you enjoy doing it is huge resistance to that. It kind of goes back to that being selfish. Shouldn't I be doing something else? Shouldn't someone else need something? So just taking the time to enjoy yourself in that way is not something a lot of women give themselves permission to do.
Speaker 2:There's laundry calling or dishes to be done or kids to run to soccer.
Speaker 3:Exactly, exactly. And that time is so important too. I think it's not just for the person, but when anybody can tap into that and really get into that zone of meditative creative process that they love, that is going to have ripples through their life. They're going to be in a better place to be truly present with everybody else in their life.
Speaker 2:Taking that half hour to hour, however long, for yourself has benefits and it might not look in the same definition of what productivity looked like. It's definitely beneficial for those around you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that spending a half an hour doing something like that and then maybe going having dinner with your grown children or a friend, you're able to be that much more present because you've kind of released that energy and kind of grounded in a grounded space and then can just be truly present for all your other interactions.
Speaker 2:Do you host local workshops?
Speaker 3:I have not yet. I'm working on that. I'm working on possibly a couple of retreats that I might collaborate with someone on, to kind of combine like some creativity workshops and some group coaching and maybe some follow-up one-to-one coaching with integration. I have a friend who's an artist, who is certified as a creative process facilitator through it's called the open studio process and it was developed quite some time ago by an art therapist and it's this very specific methodology of exploring yourself through art and setting an intention, and I am planning on getting certified. There's a program that starts at the end of August, but she's been doing this for a number of years. So we've been talking about maybe collaborating and putting those two things together.
Speaker 2:I love when women collaborate. I think we're all supposed to be in circle and collaboration with each other and it's sad to me when there is that competitive vibe with us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely, I think women were meant to be in community. We were never meant to do everything by ourselves and thousands of years ago that's how it used to be, before we got kind of pulled apart and isolated. Yeah, kind of that. You know, it takes a village to raise a child and it really does in it. That's how it used to be. And when supporting each other. And yeah, I feel like I go into a whole other topic of kind of internalized patriarchy, of how women tear each other down, which kind of perpetuates that system.
Speaker 2:That would be a whole another podcast. And I feel like as an Enneagram 8, I would be pretty heated.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I really have to be careful with that topic, and I could just go on. I was hesitant to even mention that.
Speaker 2:You can mention all the things that you want. Yes, so with pattern recognition and going into meditation, would you prefer talking about like, what was your gateway to meditation or how did you really become more aware of your patterns?
Speaker 3:Through a couple of things, I think, at the same time in parallel. One was yoga with the studio and a teacher that I just she's just a perfect, it's just so great. She always has like a theme and she talks about things. And I really started going very regularly while I was going through some sort of intensive therapy with a person, a psychologist, who's trained in internal family systems I don't know if you're familiar with that modality, so it's internal family systems where you work with a lot of parts, and also somatics, so she's a somatic processor and so a lot of the way that we approach things is kind of just talking about something that's happened here and now. It maybe was a little triggering, right, and it's kind of out of proportion to what happened now, and kind of tracing that back to what triggers are is kind of what was really at the root of this.
Speaker 3:But exploring that through somatics and I close my eyes and I just kind of sink in and there's just a lot of questions about you know, what am I feeling where?
Speaker 3:Like it might be heat or it might be pressure, or often for me it's my throat, and then kind of connecting that to a part and kind of saying what would this, how old is this part, what might this part want to say to you or want you to know, how are you feeling towards it, and things like that. And so going through that with the professional therapist really helped me become very aware mentally, emotionally, physically. And then, combined with the yoga, what would happen is that I would be doing all this and then I'd go to the yoga and she would start talking and it was almost like open office hours for my parts. I like to say Like all these parts would just kind of come up and I'd say come on in, we're all good, and like literally sometimes just have my little parts on my lap. So yeah, so that those kind of two things. Those are how I keep grounded and I actually can't remember the question.
Speaker 2:When we started what was. It's okay me either, I'm okay.
Speaker 3:Good.
Speaker 2:We'll just go with the flow, we'll just go. So it sounds like you were kind of doing like a mix of family constellation therapy with, like boys, dialogue, is that I don't?
Speaker 3:know those terms, but I Okay, no problem Sound very similar. Yeah, I think there's a lot of different language that describes some of the same stuff.
Speaker 2:So true, and with everybody claiming their own medicine too, that they rename it other things, so yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I just know it's effective, for me has been effective, and now I can do it on my own. That's the other thing. It's so ingrained and I can really. I mean, I recognize very quickly when I'm triggered about something and I kind of traced it back to what instigated that feeling and then just sitting with it and not avoiding it, addressing anything that may need to be addressed, and so it allows me to be much more present, much more of the time, because, whereas before I could just be triggered for a really long time or you know, outside of that window and I wouldn't know it, and in, like I mentioned before, when you're in that state, you really can't be present. I mean they're rehashing something from the past or worrying about the future and I mean that's not conducive.
Speaker 2:You're robbing from your future self, Exactly, yeah. So one of the things that I noticed when I started doing myself work you know because I signed up randomly for hypnotherapy school and I graduated from hypnotherapy school 10 years ago but what I did notice and I'm curious to see what you observed in your own experience was how different my relationship with my son changed once I was doing my self-work. Can you speak to how differently your relationship with your daughter's changed?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, almost immeasurably. It's just, it's been a completely different. I think I'm, I know I'm so much more present for them, I think I'm less controlling, so it allowed them to experience their own lives without trying to fix anything, you know. I just I'm there to support, I'm here to listen, I ask how I can help. I don't try to gloss things over and say don't worry about that or oh, I'm sure this or that and minimizing anything, just being really present to acknowledging and validating their feelings and emotions and just being calmer. I just don't get agitated like I used to. And honestly, the whole coaching journey going through that and now the practice of coaching, it's almost inevitable. Like it's changed the way I've talked to my daughters.
Speaker 3:I ask questions differently and you know, in coaching there's so many. There's components like active listening and powerful questions and maintaining presence and it's just, it's just a different way of being with them. Sometimes they'll say, like, what do you think about that? What should I do? And I'll softly redirect that to them. You know, which is part of the coaching as well, like believing that people have the answers within themselves and our roles to kind of be a guide and reflect back what they may not see and maybe pick up patterns that they are not recognizing, but as they talk out loud, someone who's really listening can pick up something and reflect it back to them.
Speaker 2:I think you just made a great point for requiring life coaching certification when people get pregnant, in addition to Lamaze.
Speaker 3:I do. I think, yes, everybody should be trained as a life coach and, yeah, the world would be a better place and therapy should be mandatory for everyone at some point. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Looking back on your life and all of your experiences and just being who you are now, fully present and grounded. I can see it in your face. What advice would you give to your 20-year-old self?
Speaker 3:I would say, first and foremost, you matter, you deserve to be loved and you don't deserve to be treated this way. Something about the you know you're valuable, you're worth it. You should not be treated this way and you are empowered to stand up and walk out and pursue your own life and be your own authentic self, whatever that may look like, and I think that kind of sums it up.
Speaker 2:I love it so, the journey from self-discovery to empowerment. What do you notice along that road?
Speaker 3:I think I learned you know, obviously starting with the self-discovery so much about myself, who I was, how that's affected, who I am now, what I really love, you know, and my without outside influence Even. I think there was a period where, intellectually, I felt so much more confident and that I could do whatever I wanted to accomplish these things. It wasn't really embodied Like there was still a lot of resistance and confidence, lack of confidence issues, and some of that has worked out when you become a coach as well. So, like the process of stepping up and doing this coaching work was a big leap for me, even becoming visible and thinking I could do this, knowing I can do this.
Speaker 3:One of the things I didn't mention that was a factor in this is that in the midst of all this and trying to figure out how I can do something purposeful, I also received a latent life ADHD diagnosis, which was really pivotal because it just kind of explained a lot. It was kind of a missing piece of the puzzle and that just allowed me to for some self-compassion of understanding my neurodivergent brain and also learning that and some ways to cope with it and getting on some medication was like one of the final things that allowed me to say I can do this, I can be an entrepreneur. Because I had trouble focusing and staying consistent and organizing and once I understood this, it was just mind-blowing and I just thought, okay, I've got this, I understand, I understand my brain, I can work with it and I can do this and I'm just going to go for it.
Speaker 2:I would love to hear more about your ADHD diagnosis and some of the symptoms and things, because I know there are a couple of audience members that have recently self-diagnosed themselves with ADHD and I've also seen an increase in ADHD and autism diagnosis. So I would love to hear more on your perspective and oftentimes. Almost a year ago I had a traumatic brain injury and it's been in the last few weeks that I'm like my brain just is kind of a little bit different. I wonder if I have traumatic as a result, like ADHD is the result of the traumatic brain injury.
Speaker 3:So turning it back over to you. Yeah, it's kind of fascinating. I think I would still be oblivious if it weren't for my younger daughter who had started college. She was in her second year or something and she was staying with me and she just kind of sat down one day and was just very emotional and said I think I have ADHD and here's why. And she had this laundry list of symptoms which I recognized all in her and I just said and these are symptoms of ADHD. So gosh, there's so many.
Speaker 3:But like procrastination serious, really, really hardcore procrastination like it's torture to start something, to the point where you can be like lose a day on the couch, but it's a horrible cycle because you're thinking what is wrong with me? Like I can't, I've done nothing all day, I've wasted this time, why can I not start this? And even things like that you enjoy doing. It's like there's this constant list. I remember, looking back on it, that I used to, for instance, like get up on a weekend and think I've got the whole Saturday free. This is great, I'm going to go walk here in the woods and I'm going to do that, and then I've got these things to do and suddenly, within like 10 minutes. I was so overwhelmed with what I had to do and it went on a list like even the things that I wanted to do for fun. Just went on this list and then I was paralyzed with how to even approach it. And then there's all this again, the cycle of beating yourself up about that. What's wrong with me? It's not uncommon to have like sensitivities to light or texture. Some people experience issues with personal hygiene, just kind of it seems. Some basic tasks seem really overwhelming and that's called executive functioning. You may end up with executive functioning coaches because you can't you can't prioritize tasks. The other thing, huge thing is there are a lot of artists and creatives that are ADHD, because the ADHD brain is really creative and it's multi-passionate and you're just you want to do so many things and then you get bored easily.
Speaker 3:So a lot of people with ADHD can relate to started projects that went by the wayside, and it's not just like an inability to focus, it's also hyper focus. So it's like you can't focus on things that you're not interested in. That was part of the problem with my job too. Like I would. It's working from home and I'd be typing something and then I'd see a pen and like, oh, I don't remember what color that was. And then all of a sudden I'm in like in another room and I start tracing these breadcrumbs back and I've started doing five things. And then I sit down on my computer and it's like I have no idea who I was emailing. There's an I don't know what this attachment is. I have to back out and then maybe 15 minutes later I'll come across the original clue. It's like, oh, that's what I was doing, yeah, so a lot of creatives and the hyper focus. It was almost like I would have to wait for one of those days to float on by and then I would grab it. And then it's like you have, you're on like a motor and you can't stop and you're like hyper focused. You get so much done and you're actually doing like four or five things at once, but you're just like this machine and just put together all the pieces and you know how to be extremely productive, but it's exhausting. It's exhausting to be in that energy.
Speaker 3:So she was diagnosed and then I said I was thinking about it, I think I might have ADHD. And she said, well, yeah, I think you do have ADHD, and here's why. And another thing is that I am really really, really, really bad with dates and locations and times and I can't tell you how many times I took the kids out of school and took them to a doctor's appointment. There was the next day. This still happens now. It's kind of a joke of catching double checking that, all these location things, I show up for concerts that are at the wrong venue and then the wrong time and then I, even though I looked at it five times to confirm, I just don't see it. So that's kind of a struggle as well. It's fascinating and male and laundry overwhelming, dishes overwhelming. You don't feel like you're grown up, really like you somehow missed that class and medication has helped.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:I take sometimes at a raw, particularly if I have to really get something done and I need to be able to focus and I have a deadline, it's really helpful. I don't really love the way it makes my jaw feel by the end of the day. It's kind of it feels like it's kind of an advice and really tight, even though, like, I can relax my jaw and there's nothing even touching it. It just feels really tight. So I don't like that feeling. But I've been experimenting with micro dosing psilocybin and that is proving to be really, really, really effective.
Speaker 2:So yes, the science around psilocybin is remarkable.
Speaker 3:It's remarkable and the focus I don't get that. It's a much softer feel, but I'm able to. I really feel the effect. I can focus, I have high energy, I can prioritize. It's just yeah, it's working really well and I personally I'd rather be ingesting that than at all.
Speaker 2:I agree. Yeah, I support this message. You are such a beautiful, lovely soul and I am so, so grateful that you are here to help women over 50 and or women that are transitioning into their fifties find their purpose, discover who they are, discover that creative juice inside of them and help put them on a path. And I feel like there you have a special calling, with women that are diagnosed with ADHD later on in life. I think that's fantastic. I just cannot wait to see where you go from here, and it's I'm just awestruck right now.
Speaker 2:So thank you for showing up and being you, and how? How can other people find you? I don't want to keep you all to myself.
Speaker 3:Well, first of all, I just have to say thank you so much and this has been such a wonderful conversation. You're such an easy conversationalist and interesting and meaningful, and it's been, it's been my pleasure, Thank you. So thank you, and the best way is probably my website, which is triplemooncoachcom, and there's a lot of information there. There's information about ways we could work together. You can book a discovery call on the website. I do have a new offering that it's that I'm coming out with. That will be consistent, Like I don't recognize this as a podcast that could be listened to. You know much in the future, but I will have a like a 90 minute intensive reassessment offer to kind of help women kind of take a quick look and evaluation and maybe help identify some areas that they might they might benefit from reassessing and see if they want to make any changes. So that's that will be available on my website as well.
Speaker 2:Your website is beautiful, by the way. I did some stalking and I loved it. It was very well written. The colors are really pretty. It was well done.
Speaker 3:Thank you, I have to. This is the second time I'm able to give my branding and graphic designer a shout out, who is Lise with Sparkle Creative Studio, and she's brilliant, and I've gotten so many compliments on my website and I just couldn't couldn't be happier. She's really, she's really great. So if anyone needs a website branding, she does copywriting as well and graphics she's just. She's just a delight to work with and she's just brilliant. I love it.
Speaker 2:Well, I look forward to connecting soon and hearing more about your upcoming certification, diving more into art. I have a feeling that you're we're going to be working together and collaborating in the future with Sharon Spanncom. Yeah, I hope so. So thanks everybody for tuning in and go check out Susan's website at wwwtriplemancoachingcom.